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hella nervous [17 Feb 2009|02:27pm]
in 2.5 hours i leave to visit my family for 2.5 days. this'll be the longest amount of time i've spent with them since moving out 6 years ago. i am so anxious i feel like i'll burst into tears at any second. it's been building for days - sorry if i've maybe been intolerably insane, nick!

oh god, preserve me!
18 dew drops | Melt the glass and leave the sticks Like a hermit's crucifix

every [09 Jan 2009|08:48pm]

Melt the glass and leave the sticks Like a hermit's crucifix

sworn oaths [01 Jan 2009|03:16pm]
* drop less $/save more

*write more, write more, write more

*actually involve self / try to care
- i signed up for monthly contributions to save polar bears through the wwf! as long as i'm assured a lifetime of this:
i'll pay forever. i know it's minimal, whatever!

*eliminate color from wardrobe.
- it's all too much!

happy new!
1 dew drop | Melt the glass and leave the sticks Like a hermit's crucifix

vikingar och svenska, med skor, hattar, broscher och plymer också! [04 Oct 2008|01:50pm]
things continue to go nicely. the arctic semester's started; sweden swedish is rad, so's viking class.
viking ship instead of talking about the sagas, my vikings teacher mostly shows his vacation slides and plays faroese folk music from his ipod. my swedish teacher is wonderful; she played abba on the first day of class without explanation. can't wait for sankta lucias dag! st. lucia

i have to do a paper on myth stuff and the whole thing just makes me want to drop out of life and read fairy tales all day. thanks for your eternal inspiration, harvard!






i bought new shoes:

vans galoshes

clark's boots

ny för höst:

navy balmoral

tan balmoral

chariot brooch


medusa brooch

thistle brooch

blue brooch plue

peacock brooch plume

orange brooch plume

bavarian brooch plume

7 dew drops | Melt the glass and leave the sticks Like a hermit's crucifix

[26 Aug 2008|09:19am]
spending a lot of time with the cat. the other day i thought nick was dead, but it turned out he was just out dancing. there's some new girl starting at work today and i am so excited. everyone else who works there is 50+ or acts like they are and i am so sharking on this fresh young blood! who knows, she'll probably turn out to be a monster girl, but currently she is this absolute fantasy of some dumb hot girl who i'll get to talk all day with about zac efron. the unbearable lightness of zefron

i just found out that the two classes i wanted to take, swedish and this one about sacred violence in american literature (reading moby dick and blood meridian) are on the same day at the same time! swedish is $300 less than sacred violence and i am a language major but the other one just sounded pretty rad. i mean, it's taking me forever to just be done with school and i'd really wanted to take these two classes, but whatever. foreign language acquisition is so useless! sorta! and that's coming from someone who was a language major and who has, i guess, a language major job, but whatever. e'ryone should just commit to esparanto and lobby for my moby dick class to change to thursdays and all nations and all peoples can stand together underneath one brilliant, shining rainbow.
Melt the glass and leave the sticks Like a hermit's crucifix

schadenfreude [22 Aug 2008|04:26pm]
after a month of procrastination and insecurity, i submitted a proposal to start a film club at the GI. i wrote this pretty lengthy (4 paragraph) e-mail to uwe and karin and, though immediately convinced they'd shoot it down (in the hallway, when asked if he had got my email, uwe told me "keine Zeit!"), they were, apparently, into the idea. the germans, at least the middle-aged americanized ones i regularly interact with at work & over e-mail, are pretty good with the backhand. each e-mail always reads supportive and always starts out with a "so excited about your excitement!"-type epithet, but there's a total sense of negative suggestion as well. the initial response i got for the idea was basically, "great idea and great enthusiasm", followed by "you'll have to do all the work getting the films as well as promoting (flyers, image & text for the website/newsletter). just so you know, we've had a film group in the past but it died out from dwindling attendance. when we show dvds here, no one comes. maybe you can mobilize more people!". she also asked for a screening list for the year, which i submitted last night:
September: chinesisches roulette best dvd Chinesiches Roulette - (1976)
Oktober: m M (1931)
November: olympia Olympia 2. Teil - Fest der Schonheit (1938)
Dezember: das versprechen Das Versprechen (1995)
Januar: benny's video Benny's Video (1992)
Februar: sunrise Sunrise (1927)
Marz: jeder fur sich und gott gegen alle Jeder fur sich und Gott gegen alle (1974)
April: der fangschuss / der junge torless Der Fangschuss / Der Junge Torless(1976) / (1966)
Mai: good bye, lenin! Good Bye, Lenin! (2003)
Juni: die dritte generation Die Dritte Generation (1979)
this morning's response was just as dissembled. "wow, interesting list! the one issue is the leni riefenstahl: we have an unwritten agreement to never show any of her movies at any of the Goethe Institutes. could you think of a substitute for that one? i've got a few of the rest in the library - how do you plan on getting the titles? you know we have no budget to buy them?". first off, the question of whether leni riefenstahl is or is not a nazi aside, the goethe institut is the german government supported cultural pseudo-branch of their u.s. embassies. they're responsible, primarily, for promoting the german arts, language, and culture throughout the world (that sounds pretty nazi, but it's not like that). they run a ton of courses and programs throughout schools and museums and theaters, and it's ridiculous that they'd put an absolute ban on the screening of any german artist. i totally wanted to send back something that worked in the phrase "those that forget the past are condemned to repeat it" but realized that something like that wouldn't have any effect unless it were written in one's own moonblood. besides, who the fuck cares? i told her i'd show some romy schneider movie or something and she said, "Fraulein schneider is always a delight to watch!". UGH. whatever - i am just going to serve a ton of wine and i'll probably end up making posters of screen shots with speech bubbles drawn in. Mist!
Melt the glass and leave the sticks Like a hermit's crucifix

the birthdayest day of the year [12 Aug 2008|10:14am]
Nick and I got back yesterday from an extended weekend in Provincetown, and today's my birfday. I got sweet headphones! wesc headphones
And rain! And I might go to the JFK Birth House, OR I might read all day by the light of our new ghost candelabra:
ghost candelabra
The trip was fun, but having not been to Provincetown since I was a minor, and having generally no relation to gay society, culture, or customs at large, I came off the whole thing with a mild assumption of homophobia. Don't get me wrong, I love the gays (I have a gay friend), but only so many nearing-to-middle aged dudes in tank tops (or no tops), can come up to you and your boyfriend, in your polka dot lace frill button down and seersucker short combo and boyscout short with suspenders, respectively, to tell you you're the "future" of gaydom before you start hating it, or the past, or all of them together. Either that or a 44 year old real estate broker tried to pick us up and after the whole sordid thing left a haunting note upon our B&B bedroom door. Not to mention, the house itself was owned by two leather daddies named Stan and Lenny who would casually touch our shoulders and legs or stare blankly in silence over the patio breakfast. Who cares though, it was like total immersion and we came out of it alive. Rebirthed. Plus: the food was always great, we saw a sweet band and a nice show, got endless compliments, had perfect weather, went to the beach, and got the aforeshown candelabra. Oh! And I got original edition beefcake magazines! All in all, excellence.
Now I'm back in Boston and I have no idea what to do for my birthday. All my friends live everywhere else. Nick's at work til late, those damn dirty Deutsche may drag me into doing their dusty, droll door-buzzing. Who knows, maybe I'll knit the cat a sweater and practice my Swedish noun forms. It's MY DAY. Let's be honest, I'm probably going to swathe myself in lavender, eat pizza for breakfast, and watch more MST3K.

Is it Sampo yet?
6 dew drops | Melt the glass and leave the sticks Like a hermit's crucifix

[05 Aug 2008|08:50am]
vacation is but a day away! even though i've been there a zillion times, even though it's technically an in-state trip, i'm still crazy excited to go to provincetown because, i think, overall, i wish boston would BURN LIKE DAY OF THE LOCUSTS DID. SORRY! anyways, i have to work all day today but am off tomorrow so i will have time to:
*get my hair cut like rock hudson (?)
*put together outfits and pack
*finish the goddamn book i've been reading for over a year cause it's forever long and i've put it down countless times to read other things

even though it can be this horrible tourist trap, provincetown, and cape cod altogether, is so fantastic. maybe provincetown moreso because it's that singular quaint artistes-who-lunch new england gay rave at the seaport, but i've stayed on at newport, and that shit gets too fancy. kidding! nothing can ever, ever be TOO fancy.

da queen
5 dew drops | Melt the glass and leave the sticks Like a hermit's crucifix

[17 Jul 2008|02:38pm]
amidst yesterday's nOulipo madness i made it over to the bookstore and found a used copy of the kalevala! when i went back today it was gone; yet i'd done a commendable job re-shelving it on my departure. also: do i hate william carlos williams?

perfect outfit

that is a perfect outfit! i am so excited for vacation!
1 dew drop | Melt the glass and leave the sticks Like a hermit's crucifix

constraint [16 Jul 2008|09:51am]
i am going fucking bonkers over christian bok!

"Viking boys snap off bayonets from crystalline arsenals so as to stab each other to death, their weapons deliquescent in the blood of their wounds."

i was totally stunned!
4 dew drops | Melt the glass and leave the sticks Like a hermit's crucifix

[04 Jul 2008|05:13am]
maybe it's totally spawned by bitterness because anything I had resembling holiday weekend plans with friends (it's okay, i shoulda figured) got totally blown off, but i wrote for the first time in months, and it's the first thing i've actually liked in maybe... a year?  you know, i never ever write to this old lady, and if i do it's NOTHING special/interesting, but i'ze high, it's 5 30 in the morning, and i'm really enamored of the fluctuating half rhymes.  my god!  is that my horn?!  really, i hate myself.  aaaaaanyways:

mine own

Say: to call a word by its indefinite,
interpretations, oscillating and infinite,
which are its eyes and hands;
the eyes and hands of the word.

So now, yellow's every
coward, and each cadmium.
Canary and chrysanthemum.
Each word's its shadows' overlap.

"I" is me, and simple. 
"You": you, and everything not mine. 
In the discrete definitions of its being,
"we" transcends ourselves, and redefines.

p.s. i also took the time to post this at my NEW real-life blog (VUH-OM) which i've took the time to link to:  http://skeet-shoot.blogspot.com
you'll be happy to note that thus far into its gestation (it's been 9 mos.), i've posted three times, one movie quote, one unlabeled stevens poem and now this.  life is exhilarating when you write about it online!!!!!
2 dew drops | Melt the glass and leave the sticks Like a hermit's crucifix

nobody cares [30 May 2008|01:01pm]
not a soul!
1 dew drop | Melt the glass and leave the sticks Like a hermit's crucifix

back through the years [10 May 2008|10:53am]
saw dolly parton on monday with nick, rachel, kershaw, and ricky. it was pretty amazing. the venue - the boston opera house - was gold and baroque and finished beyond reason. dolly matched in white sequins and gilt. she played like, 18 instruments throughout the show: guitar, piano, fiddle, dulcimer, autoharp, banjo, etc... each one finished in white lacquer and rhinestones. she played autoharp accompaniment on "coat of many colors" and i thought i'd get weepy. there were seriously like 500,000 fags there - some in pink bedazzled leather jackets. there was this one like 16 year old proto-homo who brought along a 8x11 portrait of dolly and pumped his fist through "i will always love you". pretty gay!

dollyparton.jpg dolly parton picture by randcheck

on top of that i've been writing a paper on 'nashville' for class so i feel unduly honky-tonk. i got expensive seersucker shorts but instead of yachting, all i wanna do is go all huckleberry down to the swimmin' hole. hyuck!

p.s. i wrote story stuff yesterday for the first time in an eon. and friends are coming next weekend. so excited!
Melt the glass and leave the sticks Like a hermit's crucifix

[24 Apr 2008|03:09pm]
i should've updated tuesday, or over the weekend, or on some day when i've got all the time in the world but blurting out quick sentences  will have to do. 
nick and i moved - not too far, still within boston (or an exclave within boston proper, still in the thick of an annually renewed crop of collegiate boston hipsters and russian emigres who'll never lose the accent.  the new apartment is awesome - huge (comparatively), semi-subterranean, decorated with increasing religious ornament. 
i've started working at the goethe-institut as an evening receptionist, which somewhat validates my education history.  it's nice and predictably teutonic but the job is pretty slow so i can read for hours.  they've got a sizeable library whose film section includes tons of biographical, critical, and screenplay stuff on fassbinder so i've been sneaking stuff out and translating museum and festival catalogs. 
the iffboston is starting today but i don't think i'll be able to do any stuff for it.  i did a few synopses and reviews for the book and was supposed to hang out with harmkor when he came round, but who knows now, i'm busy busy busy.  after it's over i'm worried i'll have no film-writing stuff to work on until the next festival season, which would be a bummer.  there's schoolwork, but i just can't bring myself to care. 
apc is carrying sailor shirts and i'm freaking out.  i really want both the white and the black but worry about spending my entire tax return on clothes from the pierre et gilles costume box.  besides, i've been really into colors - colors and nothing else, and would worry about the effect with navy. 
also:  there's almost nothing i love so much as beverly hills 90210 right now - more specifically, brandon walsh.  in addition, i've been reading wallace stevens and watching sally fields movies non stop - it's a constant emotional journey.  i thought about putting 'the prince of tides' on my netflix queue, but then got suicidal.  gaga.

p.s.  has anyone read 'salammbo'? 
8 dew drops | Melt the glass and leave the sticks Like a hermit's crucifix

forever ever [24 Feb 2008|11:25pm]
it's been ages, etc.  what's happened:

*visiting friends/having friends come visit.  dave came up a while ago, kristen came up a few weeks ago, dora came up last weekend.  i went to see whitney and ian in ny - derick met up with us and it was just like old times.  then i got the flu and was bedridden for days.  nick was in l.a., so i had to fend for myself.  incurable!  before she came, i hadn't seen dora in like 9 months, which is basically insane.  in her absence i gestated a grief baby and birthed it on the T going to pick her up with my excitement alone as an epidural.  we watched big love and kenneth anger stuff and attended the sex workers' meet and greet.  other stuff too.  i miss you already, dollface.

*i found out about a month ago that my first (sorta) real boyfriend was murdered.  it was boston-local and i found out through LIVEJOURNAL, so maybe that's why i haven't been into this place in general.  heebie jeebies.  i never sent any condolences to his family or close friends, so i feel like an asshole, and now, after weeks of a media blackout on the whole thing, there have been feature news stories on t.v. (which i don't get, people just keep telling me about seeing them).  two weeks after that i found out (again, online), about the NIU school shooting and freaked for lj_murdermystery.  things were fine though, thankfully.  still terrifying.  p.s., hey mike, I LIVE.

*on friday a woman from the boston goethe institut came into the theater i work at to drop off pamphlets for the german film series they're running.  we had a random conversation and she asked if i wanted a job.  i said "jawohl", and hopefully she contacts me sometime this week.  it would be insane to be doing something related to my major, but who knows.  nick's been interviewing too, so i'm hoping against hopes.

*we found a new place and should be moving in on april 1st.  it's like five times the size of our current place, 1.5 times as expensive, but fantastic in every way.

*i shouldn't even be doing this right now.  i have a shot by shot paper i have to write for class tomorrow which is killing me.  i've done like, uh thousand shot by shots and analysis papers, but this movie (muriel, ou le temps d'un retour), TOTALLY blew, even though i'm pretty into resnais.  i mean, it sucked!  i have no time between now and class to do it, so, fuck. 

*i've been listening to:

xiu xiu - women as lovers
joy division - closer
sparks - best of
and the alan lomax scottish children's game songs cd over and over and over. 

*i'm seeing dolly parton in may.  that's about it. 
2 dew drops | Melt the glass and leave the sticks Like a hermit's crucifix

[13 Dec 2007|02:06am]
why won't my goddamn job give me christmas off?

tonight i bought these shoes:

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
Melt the glass and leave the sticks Like a hermit's crucifix

the seal [07 Nov 2007|09:27am]
jesus horus
born babe where the heather thicket
thrashes over the grass

a sun
can rise over a body

the night stretches under the stars
2 dew drops | Melt the glass and leave the sticks Like a hermit's crucifix

the shape of the mystic godhead [09 Oct 2007|02:52pm]
i'm spending all day today in the basement at work, unpacking menorahs (menorot?) and courting the spiders.

for class, i'll have to prepare an auxilary question to use for my midterm, but i have no idea what to ask. i also have no idea what to write for a paper (if i write one), my only ideas so far have been the 1977 australian abba tour, theater attendance for 1930s american cinema, the amish, and saint-cults. anything where i can talk about crowd theory is good though. i wish i could just write a paper on how much i love big love and how i'd enter into a celestial marriage with bill+nikki any day. their lifestyle leads to eternity!

this weekend was rad. dora, expect something adorable in not too long.

it's too bad: now that i actually make money and can save it i just want to blow it on underwear and shoes. ain't fair!
1 dew drop | Melt the glass and leave the sticks Like a hermit's crucifix

no news is news [02 Oct 2007|09:56am]
recent things:

*last week i saw/met yo la tengo and jacques cousteau's grandson, fabian. the octopus/jellyfish/seahorse movies were great too.

*they found (they think) h.r.h.'s bones.

*saw friends! this weekend.

*maybe i am getting friendly with some bostonians? people here are crazy.

*at this point in my life, i'm listening to abba almost exclusively.

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*i don't have time for "pleasure" reading. not erotica, it just seems weird using that word. the books i'm reading for class are all armchair anthropologies and while cool cause they're written by king nerds, it just makes my brain think it's transforming into a robot.

*i have so much love to give.
1 dew drop | Melt the glass and leave the sticks Like a hermit's crucifix

[24 Aug 2007|04:02pm]
hi! you know, i'm really never here - though i still find the energy to keep up with all the latest zefron drama somehow on ontd. my birthday was about two weeks ago. it was sweet. whitney, kristen, and dave came up and showered me with presents, liquor, and love. i begin missing them immediately after they left. a lot of the time i'll sing inspiration whitney houston songs to myself to get through the loneliest hours here! not really, i just listen to a lot of abba, read, and remember what it was to be HIGH.
i'm at work right now, at kolbo, taking a break between receiving shofarot and mezuzot and all sorts of GNARLY jew-ware. i tried to save all my money to go do classes at harvard for the fall but not having a job for the first six weeks i was here sort of but a damper on that plan. who knows though! i've got almost enough right now (if i refuse to pay rent outright on grounds of personal edification); i could be taking swedish and/or the madness of crowds by this time next week, elbow to elbow with the harvard luminaries, swept up in witch-fever and conjugating the verb alsket. alskan? i might never know the lovely svensk infinitiv!
but you know, if i don't blow all my money on my brain, i'm in the market: Read more...Collapse )

no dots, just feathers.
3 dew drops | Melt the glass and leave the sticks Like a hermit's crucifix

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